Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Stimming in Asperger syndrome.

Stimming or bouncing as it’s known in my house hold is a common trait. I find it very hard to explain to none autistic people or those who don’t know someone who displays this trait. The classic image is of the person rocking with the legs crossed on the floor... something I can say I can ever remember doing.

Personally it’s running up and down the stairs, [very fast], I don’t do it as much as I used to, ever since I broke my arm / ankle when I missed the top step and feel down [ouch is the word here]. But it seemed to collate to only happening in certain situations, for example when stressed or needed to be distracted from something. I also find I do it when I am concentrating on something at home, or there’s something unpleasant going on. But the point to make is I only ever did it at home. Never in public and never anywhere else, just at home. however I never knew I was doing it, till I had done it, and I couldn’t stop myself from doing it...

weirdly I can tell you exactly when the 'bouncing’ started /began happened' on holiday in Portugal, I was sat watching bay watch. and I suddenly got up, jumped ran to the bedroom and back to my chair again and sat down as if nothing had happened, my mum was present in the room and she went to me, do that again it made you have a lovely smile.. And since then I’ve been bouncing... I presume before that I had some other stim which I now can’t remember...

so what does it feel like... a bit like I’m dreaming, I have no concept of when it’s about to happen till it does, a bit like a tick, an involuntary movement that you can’t control. But it’s like during those very few seconds I can go to a different world, when everything is suddenly ok and I’m not worried about anything, and it’s like it allows me to release stress tension or emotions in a physical movement. Perhaps this is a side effect of being bad at expressing emotions?  I don’t know really. 

Now like I’ve just said I dint really have them anywhere else other than at home, and I don’t do it is anyone else is present.  So it’s like a security thing, like I have to be completely comfortable in the environment and the people around in order to do it, like I have to be able to let my guard down In order to stim!

And since I’ve been writing this I’ve stimming so I’ll stop, maybe come back to it at a later date.  

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