Friday, 13 July 2012
I always walk the same route to and from work, and I realised today, that I walk in the shape of a right angle, i.e. straight down and straight across. I always walk on the same side of the roads, cross at the same points, and always at the exact same time. I set off at 0634 and arrive at 0646, and im changed and in the staff room at 0653. Exactly, every day, without fail. But why do I do this? Because it makes me feel safe.
I know myself to well. I know if I don’t concentrate I can trip over my own feet. I no cats scare me, I know I can step out into a road without looking both ways, I know I can walk straight into a wall without even see it. So by walking the same route every day, I know where I can trip up and where there’s walls etc, things are almost always the same, very little changes, I know where to step and I know where to go, and I can tell you in minute detail everything along the route, from every car reg to the number of paving stones, this route is edged on my memory. This is why I notice every single difference.. for this reason I hate bin day, always get in my way and muddle up the route,
And for some reason, I get comfort from this, feeling that in a way its protecting myself from harm, and making the route into work simple and easy to complete. Also I can plan things easily around this, ie if I wake up at 6.03 I have time to listen to one song on my ipod before I get out of bed, drink a cup of coffee, get dressed, and check I have everything for work, if I get up at 0559 I also have time to brush my teeth. Before setting off for work. If I need to do something in work before shift I would set of 5 minutes earlier which puts everything 5 minutes behind. By sticking to this schedule I also know that I will not be late, something I actually fear, although never done but turns my stomach just thinking about it.
In the wider sense of taking routes, I always get the same bus to town even though there are about 5 which end up there but all go different ways. Why? because its familiar, I feel safe that tis going the right place when I recognise the route, this is why I get nervous going places I don’t go, because I get scared I’d get lost / end up somewhere I’m not meant to be.therefore like i mentioned at the begining of this post, i stick to routes and routienes to stay and feel safe.
If you’ve enjoyed this post, please check out the other pages around my blog on a variety of subjects including, stimming, obsessions sensory impact, bullying and depression, via either the a – z Above and the labels to the right side. All comments are always welcome. thankyou